I Need Lots of Help in Lots of Ways - At home and with blogging, but not with determining virginity.
Mammy's Boring Life
I had a post almost finished and needed to do something for Steve. I hit Save as Draft and I don't know where it is or how to find it. It is so good, I'll have to do it again.
It was named something like: A New Secret Weapon: The Commode Plunger
I had to use the commode plunger and I think they are really nasty, but I had no idea that other people were actually afraid of them like I would be of a snake.
After I used the commode plunger, I cleaned it with cleaner in
the toilet and then double bagged it to dry. After it dried, I double bagged it again and tied the bags. Because of my bad knees, I set stuff at the bottom of the stairs to take upstairs when I am going for another reason. I hadn't made it up yet, and I told Angela that I bet that would be a secret weapon we could use on a certain person, I'll say Jay. Jay overheard us talking and came to see what we were talking and laughing about. Little did we know that our laughs were going to new heights. Jay said what are you talking about and looked over our shoulders at the mystery bag. He said is that what I think it is? I said "I don't know, what do you think it is?" Hesitating and looking very strange, he said is that a commode plunger?
I said yes and he took off running like a copperhead or rattlesnake was after him. Angela and I were dying and he came back part of the way and started saying over and over "I hope it's a virgin. Tell me it's a virgin... Angela get away from that thing. It radiates. Get away from it. Get away, Angela." By that time he was sweating and I guess having a panic attack. I guess we were mean because we were laughing our heads off.
So now all of you know the truth my commode plunger is not a virgin, but not a slut either because I keep it as clean as a plunger can be. However I am not going to throw it out when it looses its virginity. Mine lost its virginity so long ago, it's not so stiff and much easier to handle.
I think I may need to start using the commode plunger quite frequently. Our downstairs commode is going to be stopping up just about every night. Susan, maybe you are smart enough that we can fix up a timer so that every time a visitor comes to our giraffe hut, it will start ticking. After a certain amount of time, a commode plunger will drop from a trap door in the ceiling right in front of the couch. Do you think that will work?
By the way, Jay had already told us about the toilet overflowing and how he jumped in the shower. When we asked if he did anything to stop the commode, he said he turned the water to it off before he jumped in the shower. He said it was just awful, it was terrible, etc. He said he thought a commode overflowing was worse than anything except death or a bad sickness.
Steve and I went to his back surgeon today. He said everything looked good. PTL
I took Granny a box of stuff that was still packed up from her old house yesterday. She was very happy when she found her perfume. She was spraying it all over her. I accused her of smelling like a whore, and she thought that was really funny. But then she found her douche deal and got upset with me. She said I had to go back up there to the old house and look in the corner of the bathroom and there I would find her little tiny tip for an enema.
Even though burglers have stolen her kitchen appliances, etc. I really doubt that they could get much for an enema tip, but maybe I should check Ebay. If anyone notices it being for sale, please notify me immediately at 256-764-8851.
By the way Purity received enough money to stay in school. I wished it could have been from some rich woman, but God didn't provide one of them. Nevertheless He provided, and she was very happy and excited. Her GPA is a little over 3.4 so I think she is doing well.
Love all of you. Try to stay busy doing lots of things of real value.
I had a post almost finished and needed to do something for Steve. I hit Save as Draft and I don't know where it is or how to find it. It is so good, I'll have to do it again.
It was named something like: A New Secret Weapon: The Commode Plunger
I had to use the commode plunger and I think they are really nasty, but I had no idea that other people were actually afraid of them like I would be of a snake.
After I used the commode plunger, I cleaned it with cleaner in
the toilet and then double bagged it to dry. After it dried, I double bagged it again and tied the bags. Because of my bad knees, I set stuff at the bottom of the stairs to take upstairs when I am going for another reason. I hadn't made it up yet, and I told Angela that I bet that would be a secret weapon we could use on a certain person, I'll say Jay. Jay overheard us talking and came to see what we were talking and laughing about. Little did we know that our laughs were going to new heights. Jay said what are you talking about and looked over our shoulders at the mystery bag. He said is that what I think it is? I said "I don't know, what do you think it is?" Hesitating and looking very strange, he said is that a commode plunger?
I said yes and he took off running like a copperhead or rattlesnake was after him. Angela and I were dying and he came back part of the way and started saying over and over "I hope it's a virgin. Tell me it's a virgin... Angela get away from that thing. It radiates. Get away from it. Get away, Angela." By that time he was sweating and I guess having a panic attack. I guess we were mean because we were laughing our heads off.
So now all of you know the truth my commode plunger is not a virgin, but not a slut either because I keep it as clean as a plunger can be. However I am not going to throw it out when it looses its virginity. Mine lost its virginity so long ago, it's not so stiff and much easier to handle.
I think I may need to start using the commode plunger quite frequently. Our downstairs commode is going to be stopping up just about every night. Susan, maybe you are smart enough that we can fix up a timer so that every time a visitor comes to our giraffe hut, it will start ticking. After a certain amount of time, a commode plunger will drop from a trap door in the ceiling right in front of the couch. Do you think that will work?
By the way, Jay had already told us about the toilet overflowing and how he jumped in the shower. When we asked if he did anything to stop the commode, he said he turned the water to it off before he jumped in the shower. He said it was just awful, it was terrible, etc. He said he thought a commode overflowing was worse than anything except death or a bad sickness.
Steve and I went to his back surgeon today. He said everything looked good. PTL
I took Granny a box of stuff that was still packed up from her old house yesterday. She was very happy when she found her perfume. She was spraying it all over her. I accused her of smelling like a whore, and she thought that was really funny. But then she found her douche deal and got upset with me. She said I had to go back up there to the old house and look in the corner of the bathroom and there I would find her little tiny tip for an enema.
Even though burglers have stolen her kitchen appliances, etc. I really doubt that they could get much for an enema tip, but maybe I should check Ebay. If anyone notices it being for sale, please notify me immediately at 256-764-8851.
By the way Purity received enough money to stay in school. I wished it could have been from some rich woman, but God didn't provide one of them. Nevertheless He provided, and she was very happy and excited. Her GPA is a little over 3.4 so I think she is doing well.
Love all of you. Try to stay busy doing lots of things of real value.
posted by Mammy at 4:35 PM
6 Comments:
Hey! I am so glad that I found your blog. It's so much fun. I just don't think there is much that sounds boring. Did you know that another mini-meemaw or the first mini-peepaw is on the way? Hannah will be a big sister somewhere around September 10. By the way, I thoroughly enjoyed the dip and the cake you sent to our little party. Very delicious!
Beth
I laughed so hard that I cried when I read this. Thanks for the secret weapon investigation.
I will go in and post your draft if you didn't accidentally delete it.
I love you.
I, too, was laughing out loud. Thanks, Mammy; this blog was a real gem.
Thanks, Beth. Sept. 10 is Steve's birthday. Congratulations on finding my blog! Just kidding - Congratulations on Hannah being a big sister! Hope everything goes well. Good to hear from you!
Wow, thanks Mandy Mc. Do you not think it's a boring life when you have to see if you have any nice comments on your blog to boost your self esteem?
If so, my life is boring too Mammy! :-)
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