Crazy Mammy is Fine Just a Little Crazier

It's been a very long time since I have tried to blog. Lots of crazy things have happened, but I can't think of one single thing to tell about. My memory is about gone. I guess I will just have to tell you about our cat, Zorro. Angela gets so mad because Steve Jones calls the cat Angela a big portion of the time. He tries not to do it, but you just lose control of lots of things when you get old. For example, he was walking down the hospital corridor and his pants fell down to his ankles.

Oh, I'll tell you about Zorro's trick later. I must tell you about Granny's new electric scooter. I called the Scooter Store, Granny and I go to the doctor to get the papers filled out, the man delivers it, she takes her lessons, and we think everything is ready to go. She is in assisted living now and one of the employees was helping Granny "drive" in the hall the next day. (Oh by the way, she had originally told me not to have it delivered to the Cottage in town, but to have it delivered here because she would need to learn to ride it out here where there wasn't so much traffic on the roads.) The manager of the Cottage told them that she could not ride it yet. According to Granny, she said she had to have a license, but she had told me she had to have $300,000 of liability insurance because those things are very dangerous. I was trying to get the insurance arranged and bought when Granny told me that she was going to have to have a license. She asked me if I would just have to go to the Court House and get her a license. I told her that I was taking care of it But then again later she came back to the topic (as you do when you get older, Can't you tell from this blog?) and asked me about getting her license. I told her that I thought they were talking about insurance and I should have it by the next day. Then very thoughtfully, but very put out she asked, "Am I going to have to have a tag too?" That whole idea just cracks me up thinking about how funny it would be for scooters to have to have personalized tags. I want to have a little contest to see who can come up with the best personalized scooter tag. The prize will be having lunch with your choice of Steve Jones, Granny, or me, or any combination. I think I might need to go ahead and "adopt" one because if the politicians ever get wind of this idea they might put it into law.

I'll try to come up with a good blog and post it later.

Can Uds. (I'm learning Spanish) believe that it is already November and don't you just hate this time? The holidays are quickly coming.

Zorro the traumatized housecat

Never leave eggs boiling and leave to go to a doctor’s appointment. They will run out of water and blow up all over your kitchen. Your house will be filled with an awful smelling smoke, you will have a terrible mess to clean up, and your cat will be traumatized. My poor little Zorro has been traumatized before on several occasions. First, of all, her umbilical cord was attached to a dead sibling. Her mother did not love her and take care of her because she believed that if Angela and Nancy Jones would leave her alone she would die. Her throat was slit by some unknown assailant. Again her mother thought she would die, but she was wrong again.

She became a house cat which was rather traumatic because she did not really like people. Recently she spent her Christmas vacation to the Smokies hidden under a bed, but actually not an entire bed. You know how motel beds have a metal frame around them. Who knows why. Maybe to keep people from leaving something under them like dirty underwear or shoes, or maybe it keeps rapists from hiding under the beds waiting for some poor victim. I don’t know why, but I do know it is just about four inches from the bedspread to the metal railing, which is not a very large area for a frightened cat to live for four days. Even though she had two beds, it still is pretty close quarters. She would have to carefully calculate when she could come out to use her litter box and run from one bed to the other because she was very afraid of her Aunt Howie. While her Aunt Howie was a house guest, Zorro was confined to the upstairs area of her own home, while Auntie was able to run freely through the living area, kitchen, and dining area. Zorro was indeed happy to not have to abandon her two bathtubs. One is her litter box area and the other is used for a “Calgon take me away,” but without the Calgon and for sure without the water. One traumatic part of her aunt’s visit for about a month was that her people mother would spend almost all of her time with the aunt. Aunt Howie, Mammy’s only grandchild, was spoiled rotten. Howie would let Mammy rock her lying on her back with all four feet up in the air. When Mammy would take Howie out for walks, she would carry her in and out to avoid the cats and more importantly the little humps of leaves or pine needles covering very undesirable substances, which had already found a new home on four shoes in very recent times. Howie escaped stepping in it, all but once, but that is pretty miraculous when thirteen cats all share the same rest area. Howie got all of the Mammy’s attention, except a quick emptying of Zorro’s litter and a few quick words when she came to bed, if she came upstairs to bed. Lots of nights, she would just sleep downstairs with Howie in the recliner or on the couch. It was very traumatic for Zorro, when Howie would come upstairs to look for her mammy. One time, Howie chased Zorro all over the upstairs. Zorro thought she had escaped when she jumped up on the bed, but Howie continued right behind her. Once again under the bed was her refuge. Of course, the most traumatic experience of Zorro’s life since becoming a house cat was being locked in her older sister’s bedroom for two days without water or food. She had food and water in her bathroom, but could not get out to go to it. She wins the medal for “Cat Who Goes the Longest without using a litter box or the floor” or possibly “Cat Who Can Hide Where She Used the Bathroom for the Longest.” (Of course if the room is already full of crap, it is much easier to hide a little bit of cat crap.) She scratched all the fur off her nose and the side of one side of her face trying to open the door. She usually opens and sometimes closes the doors because they are closed loosely. I am sure there will be more traumas, but maybe they will be less traumatic. She is ready to be toilet trained now and she wants to be a hair stylist when she grows up. She does well styling hair of both sexes. She will take her paw and part off a small amount of hair. She then licks it, scratches out any hair spray, and then styles it with her paw. She only knows a Phyllis Diller style at the present time, but is anxious to go to vocational school to learn more styles. She for sure will be in the gifted group.

In case, you are wondering why this is all one long paragraph, Zorro is afraid of change, and possibly that would include changing paragraphs.

Deal or No Deal

Editorial note by the daughter who posts, 3/27/07: I didn't find this in blog purgatory... I actually found it in the WHOLE NEW BLOG that Nancy Jones apparently accidentally made herself. She is better at this blogging business than she thinks... not only does she know how to post, she knows how to make a whole new blog!

A few nights ago I went to Granny's and she was watching Deal or No Deal. It is always on if it's a night that it is on TV. I had seen it out there several times when it first came on. But on the night in question, she said, "I watch this show all of the time, but I still don't know a thing about it. I just watch them acting so silly. I don't know a thing about what they are trying to do." When I tried to explain that it was good to open the cases with a small amount of money, she said, "Oh, I know that by the way they carry on." She had never figured out about the banker or any of that stuff or what the purpose was.

Angela went for Jr. Soph and on to Judson so we brought Josh back home with us from Birmingham. We got in about 4:00 am so he spent the night with us. The next day he got up and decided to go out and clean up the pontoon boat. He did a really good job and came in and called us on the intercom and was wanting us to come see what he had done. I got out of bed and went out to see. I found a step stool, but it still wasn't really tall enough for my bad knees, but I was managing to get up there when all of a sudden, he grabbed me and pulled me up onto the boat. He doesn't know that you have to be really careful not to surprise old incontinent women, but thankfully I had protection. Then I went to the back of the boat and was checking it out when he came bouncing back there. The boat wasn't leveled or secured and when he came back there with me the boat did just like a see saw. I went falling to the back and then falling to the front before I landed across the steering wheel. Protection will just accomodote so much! But by some miracle I was protected the third time when he took me by surprise when I started to get down. He reached up and grabbed me with me hollering no. He started going backwards, and I was sure we would both fall and I would smash him to death. He managed to regain his balance and we were safe. The next project he wanted to do was to drain the swimming pool. We had the pump in, but he wanted to engineer this series of pipes on the drain. He had one long pipe trying to poke it in the hole of the other unsuccessfully and he just kept saying, "Poor Angela." So maybe Jennifer, you are worrying too much. In the process of all of that, he was absolutely filthy and soaked. He said, "What are we going to do about me?" I wasn't sure what he meant and asked, "What do you mean?" He said, "I'm so wet and dirty." I said he could just do what we did and strip down to his drawers right inside the door before he got to the carpet and that I would go into another part of the house. Well, I looked up in a minute and he had stripped down to his drawers on the front porch. He went on to the shower and I heard this terrible sound sort of like when you get burned from getting the water all of the way over to hot. I went to the door and asked him if he was ok and he said he thought he was now. When he got out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around him with the slit in the back, not the side, and came in the kitchen and asked me what he was going to do for clothes. He said that we needed to do something about our water pressure. I asked him what he meant and he said our water pressure was dangerous. When I asked why, he said, "Well the water pressure is so strong, it may cause infertility." That was what the painful sound was all about. See Jennifer, we don't have to worry yet.

On Valentine's night, Josh leaned over to kiss Angela and his pants fell down to the floor and tonight he lost them again. He just wears big, baggy white underwear. I think we are going to have to try to buy him some fancier ones since he is showing them so much.

I have a cousin that is in his early 70's who lost his wife about 1 1/2 years ago. His wife, Norma, used to always tell him that if she died first, he needed to marry a widow friend of theirs. He would just fuss and say that she was too old for him and that he wished she wouldn't say that. Tonight I found out that Peggy had gone to Fort Worth lingerie shopping and she and Lawrence will be married March 31. She will be a blushing bride; everything embarrasses her. I think they will be very happy, but I keep thinking about Norma telling him that was the thing for him to do several years before she died. I am taking applications for someone to marry Steve if I die first. Anyone have any ideas? It seems to work pretty well to have a prescreening and tell your husband who he should marry.

Lily, I thought the day had finally come yesterday that we would finally get to play with each other. We went right through Prattville, but the other two family members were too sickly to stop. Of course, they have already seen you. One of these days I may run away from home temporarily and come to see you.

Everyone needs to be good and do something of value! Love you all.

I can't believe I can post, but the bad thing is that I don't really know how I did it. I have had lots of funny stories to tell when I couldn't post, but now that I can I don't know if I can think of any of them. On Valentine's night, Jay happened to find a red teddy (It is a mystery how it just happened to appear - we'll just say the teddy fairy.) He decided he would model it. First he was going to put it on over his clothes and I told him that it would never fit that way. To my surprise he dropped his pants, which was ok because he wears really long shirt tails. He looked pretty good, except his underwear was hanging out everywhere. He got him a "little skirt" as he called it - a piece of red tissue paper and used it to cover his buldge. Steve was pretending to video him. He was prissing around with a red rose in his mouth and we were all falling out laughing. When the show was over, he wanted to see himself in a mirror. He about died. He had no idea how he looked. He about had a panic attack when he started for his clothes and his pants had disappeared.
A few nights ago he tried to make Steve and I laugh by modeling a cute girl outfit complete with a huge bra, shoes, and hat. We didn't think it was a bit funny because he just looked very gay. He was disappointed that he had not amused us. A long time ago those things were funny, but now they just make us a little sick feeling.
That boy does some pretty funny stunts though. You never know what to expect.

I have been taking Steve and Angela for accupuncture to a Chinese doctor. He told Angela and I "she has many problems" but that he would try to fix her. We are very hopeful that she will not have to stay broken. He is very funny and the accupuncture is so amazing and interesting.

I guess I have failed to write a top notch blog so please accept my apologies. I'll try to do better next time. Read the comments on my last post to see how bad off I am.

My daughter who posts is in NYC and I am looking forward to spending one night with her before she returns to Czech. She will be home for Easter!!!!!!!!!!

Try to do something of value.

Love you all.

Finally, I can blog again

I have had blogging problems again. By now I don't know if I can remember anything I had to tell. Jay's girlfriend told me about a Jay story when he got stuck horizontally on a stair case that had vertical bars instead of a wall. Before she told the story, she said, Jay is like the little boy who kept calling "Goat" all of the time. (Goat - Wolf, does it really make any difference? Goats are supposed to eat anything, but would that include a little boy?) He started trying to slip through the bars like he used to do all of the time. Evidentally forgetting that he had grown, he got stuck and was yelling, "Help, help, Momma, Momma" over and over. He just kept on and on yelling because he had called "Goat" too many times. Finally, his girlfriend went and told his parents that Jay needed help. While his dad went to get the saw, Momma said "If you got yourself in there, surely you can get out the same way." And he finally did.

Once he hung himself upside down from a tree because he didn't think he would need the ladder and kicked it out from under him. A neighbor called and asked his dad if everything was ok over there. His dad was taking a nap and had told the neighbor that Jay was just playing, he was fine. Finally with the insisting of the neighbor, Dad got up and went to check on Jay to find that he really was hanging helplessly from the tree, but thankfully upside down instead of around the neck. Thankfully, his dad went to check. (I know some Dads that would have just turned over and went back to sleep, so Susan and Angela you better not hang yourself when your dad is taking a nap.) Jay was trying something he had seen on some movie. The girlfriend said it was just a few years ago according to his parents. But he insisted that it was many years ago.

To change the subject, I have three easy roll recipes that you might want to try. I have typed them all once, but lost them all. I'll try again.

Beer Rolls

4 c. Bisquick (or 3 3/4 self-rising flour and 1/2 c. oil) or (3 3/4 plain flour, 6 t. baking powder, 2 t. salt, and 1/2 c. oil)
3 T. sugar
12 oz. beer

Mix all together well and pour into a greased muffin tin. (I'm not sure, but I think it makes 24; been too long since I had anyone to buy me beer.) Bake at 375 about 20 min.

This recipe should be easy for everyone, except Beth. She will have to figure out how she can get some beer to make hers. Maybe she can get some when they go out of town. I'm sure she would run smack into the most gossippy deacon's wife if she tried to put some in her grocery cart.

Party Rolls

2 c. self-rising flour
1 stick margarine
8 oz sour cream
2 T. sugar, if desired

Melt margarine in microwave in a large bowl. Add sour cream, sugar, and flour. Mix all together well.
Pour into greased muffin tins. Bake 25-30 min. at 350. Serve hot.

Mayo Rolls

1 c. self-rising flour (or 1c. flour, 1/2 t. salt, 1 t. baking powder)
1/2 cup milk
1 T. sugar
1/4 c. mayonaise or 3 heaping T.

Mix all together well. Pour into greased muffin tins. Makes 6 large rolls. Bake at 400 for 15 min. If you want to roll them out, decrease milk a little. Roll out and cut. Serve hot.


Last Saturday, I was of value to someone. Such a great feeling! I had to go to Walmart for Granny and stocked up on us a few things. When I left this poor old man had lost his car. I helped him for one hour before we found it. The two of us looked for 30 min. and we called his wife and all three of us looked for 30 more minutes. Everyone was at Walmart shopping for Valenine's Day evidentally. Traffic was like before Christmas. Finally I just went ahead and looked where he had kept telling us that he knew he had not parked. I recognized that as a good clue from the start, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He really was not all that far away when he came out of the store, but he just needed to go on two more sets of rows. The funniest thing was when I dialed his wife for him and she answered. He said, "Ms. Sarah, could you come to Walmart and help me find my car?"

Later that night, Granny called over here and jumped all over Steve telling him he had to get out of that bed. She said "I'm afraid Nancy is about to leave us if you don't stay out of that bed. She is really getting bad off - she is having to try to pick up an old man at Walmart." We think she was kidding, but who knows?? We'll see if she sends me back to Walmart again.

I hope everyone has a very nice Valentine's Day, and none of you have to go to Walmart to look for you someone to love. Love all of you! Do something of value!